THE TIME HAS COME

Wednesday, March 1, 2007

Dear Alessio,

The time has come for me to tell my story.

I am writing you to confront you about a series of incidents that occurred over a number of years, which I'm sure you recall as "WWD." WHAT WE DO?!? More like what you do to me. Each and every time, Alessio, you put me in the position where I felt forced to do something that I did not want to do. I was not at all comfortable with sexual activity at such a young age, and especially not with family members. I have been abused sexually by other members of the Guarino family - Grandpa, my mother, Tina and Tina's ex-boyfriend. Alessio, you are still a child. Children do not just want to engage in sexual activity with other children unless they have previously been exposed to it by someone else. What did they do to you to make you feel so compelled to practice sexual acts on me and use me to try to arouse you?

I am keeping a journal in which I record each memory I have of times that anybody ever did something of a sexual nature to me. The ones that involve you are the ones I will be mailing to you. Do with them what you will, but for my own sake I need to tell YOU, Alessio Mineo, how much pain and confusion you caused me each time you touched me.

I remember one day at Nonna's old house. It was before Joey was born, and it must have been not too long after you first initiated the sexual activity that you continued to push me to engage in with you over so many years after that. It was spring time, maybe Easter. Michael and Biagio were there. We were sitting in the grass at first on the side yard by the circular driveway. You started reaching your hand under my dress and carressing my leg, moving up until you were pressing and rubbing my vagina. Biagio saw when he went to pick up the ball he and Michael were playing with. When Biagio saw us, you had your hand under my dress and you were working it into my underwear. I thought you were going to get in trouble, which somewhat relieved me, but I was also very embarrassed/ashamed and scared that somebody would be mad at me or that I would get in trouble too. I was afraid of what people might think of me if they knew I was involved in that kind of situation... it made me feel tainted. Biagio came back and told you that your dad wanted to talk to you. You originially wanted me to give you a hand job/play with your penis (carress it, specifically - or touch it or hold it... I remember you telling me to squeeze it a little). You took it out when we first got back there behind a big tree right by where a fence/gate was on the right side of Nonna's house leading to the back where the pitbulls were. You took out your penis behind that big tree and you made me touch it. Your skin was very soft and I felt uncomfortable about touching it. You told me touch it, but when I did you said I wasn't even touching it (because I was just lightly encircling my hand around it, making as little skin to skin contact between my fingers and your penis as possible), and you made me grip my whole hand around it by placing your hand over mine and closing my hand with yours. When you made me hold your penis like that, I took my hand back after a few moments because I was too scared that somebody would see me - I felt like a horrible, disgusting person when I was supposed to be just a little gril doing little girl things, things far, far more innocent than the things you were making me do. I really cringed at the feeling of my skin on that ugly thing of yours. It's a horrible feeling to have your own hands doing something that's really making your heart and soul uncomfortable. It's confusing and painful.

After talking to your dad, you came back and only tried harder this time to get me to play with your penis. I did at first... I got down on my knees and grazed my lips over it and touched it. But I still felt too nervous about the whole thing.

Alessio, what you did hurt me very much. But here it is for you to think about, and I am telling you right now -- It's not a secret anymore. I am strong enough to know that everything that happened to me at the hands of the Guarino family is sick and twisted, and absolutely no fault of mine. I am no longer ashamed because I know that what was done to me was 100% wrong and unacceptable. I was victimized by you as well as others, but that doesn't make me a victim. I know what kind of person I am because that is up to me, and ONLY me. I didn't choose what happened to me. But the fact that I am sitting here writing this to you is testimony to the fact that I am a SURVIVOR.

Because I am a survivor, I am telling my story. I am cleansing myself of all the violations that have been inflicted upon my body and my being. Alessio Mineo, I will continue to tell my story and that includes every little part that you took in giving me this story to tell. So you take that day at Nonna's house, and you think about it. Do what you like with it. Because, I REFUSE to carry it around with me in my heart for even a milisecond longer than I already have.

Disgusted by YOU,
Talia